Random crap of the first order

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

'Tusshar in Wonderland' - A case study on Tusshar Kapoor

This one is for the people who love like seen movies of follow ……know who Tusshar Kapoor is.
For the uninitiated, Tusshar Kapoor is...err..........an actor. Believe me, i thought long and hard before putting the full stop on that statement. Let me just get this absolutely straight and point blank, i think Tusshar Kapoor should just give up on his career in Bollywood. It is going nowhere, in fact his career never even started so to speak. To begin with, lets try and analyze his filmography.

CKkompany (2008), One Two Three (2008), Aggar (2007), Dhol (2007), Shootout at Lokhandwala (2007), Good Boy, Bad Boy (2007), Kya Love Story Hai (2007), Anjaam (2007), Golmaal: Fun Unlimited (2006), Kyaa Kool Hai Hum (2005), Insan (2005), Shart: The Challenge (2004), Gayab (2004),Khakee (2004), Yeh Dil (2003), Kucch To Hai (2003), Jeena Sirf Merre Liye (2002), Kyaa Dil Ne Kahaa (2002), Mujhe Kucch Kehna Hai(2001)

How impressive is that? Each movie less amusing than the other. One must pay heed to the guys determination and never-say-die attitude. What could be the reason for that? One obvious answer would be his irritating sister - Ekta Kapoor. After all, she is the woman who made the worst thing on this planet, read Saas Bahu sagas, into a commercially viable product. She must have said to herself, if i can do that then i can definitely make a star out of my no good brother. She might be the reason behind his never ending motivation.

Seriously, how many fans does Tusshar Kapoor actually have. Where are they? Ive never met a single such human being in real life. Are they the descendents of people who were fans of Puru Rajkumar once? Which reminds me, Puru Rajkumar can actually be someone who Tusshar Kapoor can look upto. His career never really took off. He was just staining his fathers reputation. But thankfully, he realized it on time and gave up acting. Getting back to the point, is Tusshar Kapoor actually serious when he says in interviews that he is doing a variety of roles for his fans? Hasnt he ever realized all his movies are flopping? Has he never researched himself on the internet and seen trash written about him and his movies?

I have a theory regarding all these anamolies. It is what i call 'Tusshar in wonderland'. I beleive that Tusshar Kapoor is leading an artificial, fake life. A fake life created around him by his well wishers, and he himself has no clue about it. The guy baffled me to an extent, that i was inspired to come up with this theory when i was watching the movie 50 first dates. Tusshar lives in a similarly fake world. He has been led to believe that he is a superstar. Everything he sees is fake. Fake fans, fake newspapers, fake television channels, filtered internet. Newspapers and channels which heap praise on him everyday. Fake fans who can do anything just to get a glimpse of him. Websites which dont talk about him well do not reach his laptop. He is hypnotised everyday and told that he is one of India's biggest superstars. He has been brainwashed into believing that girls go weak in their knees after they see him. Of corse, some actresses have been hired to do that periodically in front of him. In a nutshell, there is a small workforce working round the clock ensuring that the truth does not reach him.

The producer of the movie, Golmaal was forced to cast him for the want of funds. The director must have thought, now that we got Tusshar Kapoor, what do we do with him? Idea, lets cast him as a dumb guy, in both ways, as a guy who cant speak and someone who is stupid, the audience will love him. And it worked. Golmaal, remains,till date, his best performance, relatively speaking. And in his own words, Tusshar Kapoor was merely experimenting with yet another challenging role.

Honestly speaking, who would have the guts to cast him as a dangerous, lethal terrorist in a movie like Shootout at Lokhandwala? Lethal Gunman....Tusshar Kapoor?? The sacrifices a director has to make to get funds from a Balaji movie. It must be a contractual obligation.

What has he not tried to establish himself as an actor? Heroic act in a slasher movie - check, Honest cop - check, Shirtless dance in song - check, Invisible hero - check, Negative role - check.

For example, have a look at the picture posted at the beginning of this post. Introducing Tusshar Kapoor as the dragqueen. Can he possibly stoop any lower for the want of attention in the name of experimentation? The pic might indicate that he is on his way in becoming a female vamp in one of Ekta Kapoors serials, his last avenue to gain appreciation.

So, when is his career going to end? The writing on the wall has been present for a long time now. But Tusshki, as the media calls him, refuses to give up. He is still in search of the elusive '2 star' rating for any movie of his. And till that doesnt happen, he will keep resurfacing like the slime on milk. Which probably means, we are stuck with him for the rest of our miserable lives.

God bless humanity.

Edit: For those who do not believe in Tusski, here is something copy pasted from mid day. Reader discretion is advised. The following might disturb you.

Monday, September 15, 2008

pointless chats - part 1

it was 630 pm in office and i was bored out of my skull. i went to the good old http://www.atworkandbored.com and did some random surfing around. i noticed this advertisement for rackspace on the side of the webpage. for the uninitated, rackspace is one of the worlds best webhosting centers. i saw this feature on the site called 'chat with our live assistant now'. i was so damn bored and in trance, i clicked on it and started chatting with this random fellow. the transcript is given below.

Welcome to Rackspace. My name is Steven N. and I am a Live assistant. How may I help you today?
you: hi
Steven N.: Hello, what brings you to our site today?
you: where are you guys headquartered?
Steven N.: San Antonio, Texas (USA)
you: can i get an idea of your client list?
Steven N.: American Express, Nike, Marvel, Atari.......
you: thats very good. ive got pretty good feedback of your fanatical support.
Steven N.: Glad to hear!
you: any case studies how you have influenced businesses in the way they function?
you: so tht i can make a case in point to the management
Steven N.: I don't have an example for you right now......sorry.
Steven N.: I am a sales guide here at Rackspace.....I don't have factual information like that in front of me.
you: thts perfectly fine, i will get in touch with my manager and we cane take it from there later
Steven N.: Sounds good!
you: thanks for your time!
Steven N.: You are welcome
Steven N.: Have a good night
Steven N.: Or day

next up for a floral delivery service.

Bruce: Hello, I am here to answer your questions about our floral service.
you: hi
Bruce: How may I assist you with our floral service?
you: i am interested in sending flowers to my family back home. is it possible to get a customised bouquet made
Bruce: We realize how important it is for you to customize the product. However, we currently do not customize any products.
you: will a few alterations be possible if i mention it in the special instructions?
Bruce: yes a few modifications will be done by our outlet
Bruce: no problems with it
Bruce: please mention your request in the special instruction box
you: for example, the basket of cheer (bouquet of the month) looks good, im jus interested to have a few more red roses and a chocolate with it, since she loves them.
you: so im hoping it wont be a problem
Bruce: for delivery to India right?
you: yes, to pune
Bruce: ok that should be done
Bruce: please go ahead and place your order.
you: is it possible to know which chocolates are given?
you: sorry for bothering you, but i want this to be perfect.
Bruce: we will not be able to give you the exact brand of Chocolates
Bruce: but they will be of the best quality.
you: i will take your word for it.
you: thanks for your time.

next up, i hunted down the live assistant of the company which makes this live chat software.

Roy: Hello, I'm here to answer your questions about the LivePerson services.
you: hi
Roy: Hi there
Roy: How can I assist you today ?
you: i am about a open a website for retail of second hand mobile phones
you: i feel its necessary for me to have a live chat feature
you: hence i was exploring the option of using live person
Roy: Ok our package is based on a month to month payment structure
Roy: To best understand your business needs I'd like to have a quick look at your website. Can I please ask for your URL?
you: i want to know if its possible to install a decent level of AI in the chat feature.
you: my website is not up yet. im still in the process of building it.
Roy: ok
you: what about the AI?
Roy: click here to watch our basic feature flash demo
Roy: What do you mean ?
you: thank you. i will go through it.
you: what are the indicative charges per month?
Roy: During peak hours about how many online agents (Customer Support Representatives) will you have responding to inquiries from your website?
you: 20-25 at the most.
Roy: ok
you: it will be called www.dontuseandthrow.com , a relatively small beginning it will be.
Roy: will you have all of them online at the same time ?
you: probably not
you: one person might double up as 3-5 aliases.
Roy: ok
Roy: The price for a LivePerson Pro account is $99/month per seat (concurrent operator).
Roy: Payment is on a monthly basis by credit card with no long term contracts to sign. There are no setups or cancellation fees and you are free to cancel your account at any time.
you: ok.thanks. you hav been very helpful.
Roy: I will be happy to have one of our Product Consultants contact you with additional information and pricing details.
Roy: May I please have your contact information; your full name, URL, office phone number and email address?

of corse i fled after tht.

and this is how i successfully passed 15 minutes of nothing. plz feel free to leave comments like 'ur so fuckin jobless'. i will not mind. for the corporately challenged, plz indulge in this pointless activity and let me know if u enjoyed it.
so this was my high point of the day, wat next? perhaps callin up random call centers or calling up the speaking clock and listenin to it.
or maybe as theITdonkey said, creating a karzzz helpline
Something on the lines of :

Prat : Hi I am a prat, how may I help you?
you : Hi, need to know the length of Himesh's hair.
Prat : Which ones ?

lets see, boundaries do not exist.

Labels: , , ,